How's that for a name?

My father needed emergency Coronary Artery By-pass Surgery for four clogged arteries in his heart. The cardiologist told us we had a choice of two Vascular Surgeons: Dr. Coffin or Dr. Jackson. Three guesses which one we chose! Never mind that Dr. Coffin was a highly regarded, competent vascular surgeon who had even more years of experience than his competitor. No way would I allow my father to be operated on by a doctor named Coffin.

But Dr. Coffin wasn’t the only physician I’ve encountered over the years whose name did little to inspire confidence. Would you want surgery done by Dr. Slaughter or Dr. Kadiver?

Imagine the poor Ob-Gyn named Dr. Will Fondle or Dr. Fingers. I love the name Dr. Atchoo for an Infectious Disease Specialist and Dr. WiWi for a Pediatric Urologist. But I can’t think of any specialty where the name Dr. Dingledorf or Dr. Frank N. Stein would improve business.

Here are some other fitting names:

Urologist: Dr. Cockburn, Dr. Dick Peters, Dr. Weiner, and Dr. Dick Head                                                                                                                             Cardiologist:  Dr. Valentine

Obstetrician:  Dr. Storck

Trauma Unit Surgeon:  Dr. Gore

Gastroenterologist: Dr. Gutman

Proctologist: Dr. Assman

Plastic Surgeon: Dr. Gross, Dr. Rack

Orthopedic Surgeon: Dr. Bones

Dermatologist: Dr. Skinner and Dr. Boyle

Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT):  Dr. Fryer

Podiatrist: Dr. Foote

General Surgeon:  Dr. Hacker, Dr. Shortliffe, and Dr. Klutz

Forensic Pathologist: Dr. Carver

Ears/Nose/Throat Specialist (ENT):  Dr. Swallow, Dr. Spitz, and Dr. Blow

Psychiatrist:  Dr. Funk and Dr. Nutts (not a great name for a Urologist, either)

Dentist: Dr. Fang, Dr. Payne, Dr. Pullman, Dr. Filler, Dr. Plack, Dr. Aiken, and my favorite, Dr. Smiley

And how about this recently sited sign:  Dr. Head, Foot doctor.

If my husband’s last name were Kwack or Sumit, (pronounced “Sue me”) I would have clung to my maiden name like a blanket in a blizzard. How about you?